Overcoming.

I decided to record some goals of mine :)

• Visible ribs and collarbone clearly defined
• NO fat on my stomach/hips
• Small waist
• No double chin at all
• Nothing wobbles when I lift my arm, or run, or move
• A clear gap between my thighs

I'll start with these and see how I go :)

Wish me luck ;)

I resisted the urge about 5 minutes ago! I was feeling depressed about my earlier binge, and usually I would have eaten more to feel better about it, but this time I cut instead! :D

And I feel so much better!

6 cuts today! Better than 600 extra calories...

I wish I had someone to help me, support me, understand. I have to hide this from everyone, all my friends, family, everyone. They don;t understand why I'm tired or lethargic from fasting, or why I'm irritated because I'm struggling against the urge to stuff my face with chocolate. They don't understand why I no longer eat lunches at school. I would love to have just one friend to take this journey with me. To understand.

Ah well. Some things you just have to go through alone, and I guess this is one of them. I will make it through this, I will be beautiful, but it will take some work. I'm prepared to work for this. I plan on staying awake late to go on the exercise bike tonight and burn off 800 calories of FAT FAT FAT. Even though my best friend is negging on me right now: "officially a bad chill sesh", sigh. Normally I'd be eating eating eating bad bad bad to feel better about it. Tonight I will be STRONG, I will move the furniture in my room around and clean and vacuum and then exercise and drink lots of water and I will be thin one day. Because thin is beautiful. Never forget that.

So tonight, if I get hungry at all, (which is okay, hunger isn't the enemy here - food is! Ana doesn't want food inside my body. She wants it out out out and can't get it out once it's in, so it can't come IN!), I will come on here and write about it. Drink more water. Listen to my ipod and try to sleep. Cut cut cut to distract myself. Anything is better than food inside me.

I'm want to start a liquid fast tomorrow - only drinking water at school, that's ALL nothing else will go inside my body, and chewing sugarfree gum or mints to keep my mouth busy. But I have a party this weekend where I'll be drinking alcohol ( a lot) and I don't want to be sick or weak for that. So I'll restrict my calories a lot until then, and after Saturday night I'll start fasting for 2 weeks. If I can. We'll see. Wish me luck :)