the haunting images of one once loved and lost, the bitterness of regret and the burn of missing you; my minds never ceases to remind me how much you meant to me and my heart will beat always for you.
i would do anything to be with you again; just to spend time with you how we used to be - no hurt, pain, regret, blame; just love, happiness, safety. a hug. laying in bed snuggling. a kiss on the forehead. having sex and breaking your bed and laughing about it. carrying me down the stairs. watching tv downstairs. walks with our Chloe baby and having to take turns carrying her cause she was sad. looking into your eyes and saying forever is a promise and i swear to you I meant every word. whispering i love you.
and sometimes i don't know if this is my way of punishing myself. i open the wounds, tear away at the freshly healing skin, rip them open, let them bleed. eevery time they look like healing over i go crazy and open them all up again and it's you bleeding out of me, it's you i can;t let go of. i won;t allow these wounds to heal. why?
i should be writing a fucking essay right now, but my motivation is zeroooo and my care is zeroooo because all I want is you. oh my god why can;t you just be here. I tried to call you and you didn't answer and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for eveything I ever did, I know I did so much wrong and I'm sorry, I am, i was young and i didn;t know, i know now, and im sorry. please find it in your heart to forgive me. because i LOVE you and this year has shown me that, i KNOW i do, i fucking HATE it somedays but i know i will never escape this feeling and i will never escape from you.
if i kill myself, baby don;t blame yourself. you were amazin g and i love you.
i'm sorry
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