the secret life of: teenage dirtbag baby

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

teenage dirtbag baby

I hate you. Suck in your stomach all you want, your still fat. Put on as much made up as you want, your still ugly. Smile as much as you want, You not happy. Cheat on as many things as you want, your not smart. Somehow you’re fooling everyone else, But you dont fool me. I know what you truly are, and your ugly inside and out. And you know you dont even want to change for yourself. Your so fine with wallowing in your own self pity. What the hell is wrong with you? You dont mean a thing to anyone, or you shouldnt anyway. Your face is fat. Your thighs are fat. Your over weight. Your Smile is gross. Your Dark circles under your eyes are so unattractive. There is a reason you cant keep friends. There is a reason you cant keep boyfriends and girlfriends. Once they finally realize who you really are, they get the hell out of there. Your going after a career you will never succeed in. Because your body isnt right. You dont have A good enough singing voice. You dont stand out. You dont have the attractive factor. Your nothing but a disgrace and burden to your parents. You were a mistake. You were the reason for their failed marrige. Its all your fault. You fuck up Everything. I hate you.

You are NOTHING.

take a LOOK at yourself, you worthless ugly unwanted fuck.

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In the pursuit of beauty.

I am afraid.

"and since that day, everything changed. She was no longer that quiet, innocent youth who did everything they told her to and believed the lies they whispered in her naiive ears. No longer would she follow the long, straight path to a long, productive, desirable lifestyle. She didn't want to have a house and kids, grow old and be unable to control her own destiny. No. That was not the life for her.
She always knew that there were ways to escape, but society told her no. So she took drugs, had sex, partied and dieted. She took risks and opportunities, she got lost along the way. She did not go around the things that bothered her, but rather chose to carve her own path through them.
None would stand in her way.
She loved recklessly, disturbed in her mind, knowing that it was all so superficial. She drank until she vomited, she smoked until she passed out, she ate drugs like they were lollies and spent time in candyland. She secretly preferred the world in her head to the world she faced every day when she was sober.
She was real. She was paranoid, suspicious of everyone and everything. She was skilled in secrecy and would never betray a friend. She was stronger in her mind than the rest; she thought for herself, she refused to be brainwashed. She considered herself to be a well-educated young lady.
She was ever so compassionate towards those who were less fortunate than herself, animals in particular. She wanted to save them all, but she couldn't even save herself.
The world in her head was so tempting, how could she wait for the weekends to indulge? She learned a way to escape, every day running away to that safe place in her head. She was determined to find her own way and not be brainwashed like everyone else. She trusted NO ONE, not even her own mother. She told no one of the voices in her head; she kept her anger silent; she did not indulge in tears; she was powerful, but so out of control.
Her secrets were her own; she lived in a way which she could gain some small amount of satisfaction from. A small rebellion, spray paint your name on a building, smash bottles, destroy security cameras, break and enter, keep the police scum busy. She was ever so cautious and never got caught.
She lived her life in a way which suited her, and refused the words of caution that those around her offered.
That girl changed one day, for better or worse, and she was never, ever the same again."

If you reach out for me, will I pull you under? Will you become what you despise?