photo update.

60 kgs... lowest weight

and yet i still look like a fucking whale ha

rip my heart out

http://gochatshare.appspot.com/oBN7PRcdWEyfqY1pv

myself and gulliver ^

h & i on australia day

im laying along the top of the wall.

im wandering around the pool (on acid) drug fucked ha

someone i once knew...

watch this foreverrrrr

Stroke it

I've got mushrooms, acid, pretty coloured tablets
Got that good weed that you know you need
Got that blod pumping through your veins
Got you craving, stinging, such a shame.

Smoke me

I've fucked 3 guys in almost as many days...
holy shit

reflections of experiences of drugs

Hmm, drugs.,
Ive done
weed, acid, mushies, gassy pills

weed - headspins, giggles, happy, floating, different headspace, chilled
acid - fuckin ridiculously good/mindblowing/wow/im still recovering
mushies - yew, fun, NOTHING compared to acid
gas/pills - fun yew, wouldnt waste your money when you could have acid though

ive smoked drank and eaten my way to passing out or giggling ridiculously or vomiting
ive been on the verge of wanting to or even tried in a drunk stupor to kill myself
ive fallen, fucked, freaked out
ive cried, laughed, touched the walls, drawn pictures
ive wasted thjousands of dollars
ive leanred so many things
ive made so many friends
ive lost some friends too
ive given up on stuff and ive been inspired
ive lost things and found things and been caught
and ive denied it and been caught out
ive imagined people, animals, things, buildings, cities, universes
ive considered facts and figures and endless qustions
ive delved into the depths of my consciousness and my reality
ive collected years worth of memories within hours
ive made mistakes, regrets, decisions

i would never take it back
any of it.

i love drugs.

The ACID Experience

Took my first acid tab on Saturday night at a friend's going away party. A snap decision:
"oh yeah Im getting on later"
:sick bro, watcha getting?"
"gas and acid"
"do you reckon you could you get us some acid?"
"yeah ill see what i can do"
... done.
$25 each
for 36 hours of tripping off my fucking face
didnt come home for 2 days after
my eyes were wild
everything was sparkling, it was amazing, everything felt good, i did everything i felt like doing at the time, i loved everything, so many questiond, i felt like my mind expanded, it felt as if i was so insignificant, i know nothing, but its okay, just chill, evething is fuckin awesome, yew, i had a threesome haha, fuck, i kept imagining max, michael confessed he truly loved me, i saw lights wavering colours flashinbg changing colourful lights, neons, colours, bright, lines, shapes, truth, falling, perception, open,
wow sorry i was rambling haha
didnt sleep between saturday morning and sunday night. Finally after many bongs i slept at emilys house last night. Im still trippen a bit every now and then but i think my brain just is a biut overloaded with all these thoughts
i wish i could just simplify as i do so easily when im on acid'
'i need to learn to think like that
decisions were made what felt right at the time
love
sorry if this is crazy, im still whacked and i also am high ha
okay so timeline:
sat at party 9pm: smoking chilln yew
saturday bout 10:30pm at party - took acid tab
blank between
sat - no sense of time passing - occasional cautious thought, mostly acting on impulse - at ms house in his bed with him / j??? - doing anything eg stroking the wall, looking out the window
sun 2:18 - bed with m snuggling, watching some crazy movie, i dont know, im giggling crazily, squirming, wriggling, touching things, being everywhere
sun 7ish - left ms house with e walked to beach looking absolutely drugfucked, went absolutely fuckin crazy on the beach, naked, swimming, chillin, making PLANS to escape everyone and everything, best friends everr
sun 10ish - went to my house, had showers, smoked bongs, packed my shit
sun lunch - met up with the boys, got 4 more acid tabs, hung out
sun arvo - e's with e, j, jL - just trippin, smoking up, trying to chill
sun night - dinner with e;s family
finally slept

i dont know anything.

smokeeeeeee

it's the only thing that keeps me level up in my crazy head.

man this shit is
fuckin ridiculous

up up and away
they gon' judge me anyway
so, whatever...

My life in lists

I shall thus transcribe some of the stuff i wrote in my new weed diary - the big art book.
THE BENDER. remembered forever in the book.
as follows:
"the only thing I really know is she's got sex appeal. This lifestyle, just living like a wild child, sculling drinks and smoking cones until we find a better safer wholer state of reality. The opportunities available to us can consume or overwhelm us - never be that which you simply tolerate. Think about the things you try to avoid thinking about in your everyday life. THINK! QUESTION? Is religion the illness or the cure?"

"Kitchen:
tongs, forks, spoons,m knives, measuring cups, kettle, tea towels, cooking trays, bowls, plates, cups, mugs, spare light bulbs. squirty cleaner, dishwashing detergent, shrap jar, kew rack yew.
Bed:
sheets, pillow, bong, bowl, lighter, clear eyes, scissors, sattys, stationary, grinder, crayolas, textas, colour pencils, lead pencils, puffers, cone pieces, spare stem, "I'll do it in about ten minutes... Like, fuck!" Haha - ES.
"Don't hate me cause I look like you bitch!" - JS
"I can't believe that I pulled that cone - so casual. Testing our limits today." - E
Nail polish, nail polish remover, make up remover, meditation cds, cotton buds, bean bags, toothbrush, toothpaste, guitar, skateboards!!! make it to the moon, doona,m blanket, L- I'm not kidding, get on the ground and scrape it. Now! - E "Bossy" Smith
E's good at drawing - an observation
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - perfect
Solar System (Insert pic of planet)
xbox, wizzer, fish bowl, water bottle, mirror, look how much my writing changed just then. LoL
It's everywhere, oh, it's everything.
paints, paintbrushes, moisturizer, razors, sunnies, lip balm, cylinder, snowflakes, icicles, Spanner???, Who ya gonna call?! 
Max is sexy hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah My eyes are blue after I hang out with Max LoL
Green eyes are typically associated with magic.
Jack's drawing a bong, yew!
I'm just writing to give my mind something to do.
a drink of water om nom nom
"Where's the Bong?" - JL
Realistic Expectations
CD Player, laptop, wifi, condoms, tampons
FUCK SOCIETY smoke up!
Sexy Sammi and Erotic Emily
Struggling to survive in a society that will eat us alive, fall down they drag you away to where no one can hear your screams of agony a dark quiet place in a small space
Mystical Shit.
Desperation is not attractive.
Notepads!
questions remain unanswered yet again as i fade away gathering dust just another drop of fresh summer rain
Sitting in J's bed trying to get this through my head. My entire life is not real, it's all a dream, So how do I feel now? Lied to, oppressed, alienation, resentement. I've left my old life and who I used to be, think about that, I'm just a refugee.
"Remember when we used to sharpen our crayons and shit? How weird" - ES
I spilt the mix :( All on Jesse's floor, fuckkk
There's arts and crafts everywhere and it's thoroughly enjoyable!!!
Why are there no black people? I work at doing the thing I was made for. What all women are made to do - sandwich making - LE"

"antiquity is a funny word.
expression of a thing so powerful, so immense, she could no longer hold herself as she burst forth, no longer human but something instinctive, important, ancient. Licking her lips, flicking her tail, the primal beast looked them in the eye and asked "So who am I now? Am I still who I used to be?" No one answered. "I have changed but I am the same, do not test my strength young ones. I certainly am not yet cured..."

"I got 99 problems...
off to another universe.
rest sleep haunting dreams visions desperation
"It;s all said and done and my cock's been sucked."
When did I become a ghost? Follow those who are, according to society's standards and expectations (which are ultimately detrimental to humakind itself) are follwoing a path through life which is neither moral , right or true. But has it not been said before that, "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad."? Do you question that which you tolerate and avoid? Do you consider your life to be worthwhile and purposeful?
Beautiful things in this world of ours.
I ate shrooms just so I could see the universe.
I picked up the world and threw it agaisnt the bars that keep me trapped within my own mind. It shattered and floated down around me, I choked in blood, lies and disappointment. A final gasp, a declaration of love, it's time to let go. Precious things are made to be admired then passed along."

run wild problem child

sleept tight this dark night
your demons creep ever near
i'll kiss you, hold you tight and
keep them at bay my dear.

call me an exorcist or hand me a gun
whatever it takes to get the job done
free me from  my demons and the anchors that pull me down
take off these shackles that bind my eye and lungs

have a toke and be on my way
can;t be late for school today
smoke a pipe in the middle of the night
just a slight case of insomnia

broken heart and solemn mind
a silent preacher in the dark of night
a quiet moment and a blink of surprise
the anticipation; the certain delight.

breathe in, inhale the smoke
craving that marajuana toke
smoke up a joint and let my mind escape
no need to be trapped when i can fly away

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE

LOL

run away from me